I've never been really good at keeping up a routine or sticking to anything for a prolonged period of time. I've once started three new diaries over the course of one year, because I kept forgetting about it and the more time passed the more it felt wrong to just pick it back up again and continue where I left of as if no time had passed at all. So I bought a new note book and started anew, promising myself that this time I would really stick to it. Well you can imagine how well that worked. I've felt the same with this blog. I go through times were I really enjoy writing and posting new stuff and then there are times, where I can't think of anything to write, don't like what I've written or life just gets in the way in form of uni, work and exams. Then whenever I try to get back to it, I just don't know where to start and feel the need to explain myself, add a note where I've been and promise to post more often from now on. But then again, deep down I always know I can't really promise that. It would be a lie. With confining myself to a routine I set myself up for failure. Not only do I know I won't be able to keep the work up, there will always be times, where something else is more important or I'm facing a case of writers block. But I am also making it harder on myself to come back after I've vanished once again. Each time I leave after a supposed comeback it gets harder to start again. It has gotten so bad that I even though about starting a completely new blog, so I won't have to deal with the fact that I've once again failed and not posted in forever. But then I thought I didn't want to lose all my old posts, even though I might not like every piece I've written in the past it's still part of this journey, a part of my story and when I'm old and look back I want it all to be in one place and not scattered over several blogs I started and abandoned over the years the way I used to do it with my diaries. I realized, so what if I haven't posted in over a year, and so what if it's only a handful of posts and then another break? The periods between posts tell as much about me as the posts themselves. They show the times where I didn't have time to write or where there simply wasn't anything interesting for me to write about, because that's normal, that's life.
So this time, this is not a comeback. This is no grand announcement to look out for regular posts in the future. This is just another piece of the puzzle. I will write when I want to write, and keep silent when I don't want to write. I will not pressure myself into keeping to a routine or schedule of any kind. This blog was supposed to be an outlet for me to express my thoughts and feelings and share things I like or dislike, but at times it has become a burden, a pressure to keep the posts coming and keep them good, a pressure solely from myself, but a pressure none the less. A pressure no more. I have to stop comparing myself to others and thinking everything needs to be perfect, I am not perfect so my blog isn't either. I don't have to write as good as others, I'm not a writer and English isn't even my mother tongue. I don't have to always have nice pictures, I'm not a photographer or professional blogger. And I don't have to have anything new or exciting to say every time, I'm not doing this for anyone but me. Not every post has to be the next best thing, it's ok if it's just a short ramble about something I felt I had to get off my chest - just like this post.
Having said that, I still hope there is someone out there that enjoys reading my posts. I am not sure if there is anyone left after all this time. If so, than thank you. And if this is the first post you are reading of mine, feel free to rummage around my old entries until the next one comes. Here is to hoping it won't be too long!
And in the meantime: Any recommendations on blogs to read to get inspiration flowing?
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